Category Archives: Uncategorized

I’m not ready to be four

We’ve been studying World War Two in school. Don’t worry, I’m not at school, I just work in one. So to be a bit clearer: the kids I teach have been learning about World War Two. It was fun and they really enjoyed the thematic approach that we took based around the book Goodnight Mister Tom. I enjoyed it too. The kids were shocked when we learned about rationing and couldn’t quite grasp the lack of junk food and snacks. This really hit home when we looked at a birthday party during war time. The cake was made with some odd ingredients, it was shared between a group of children who had the same month of birth and the present (if there was one) was usually hand made or a hand me down.

My kids (the ones that I teach) eat no end of fast food, snacks and general rubbish. I don’t teach in an affluent area (in fact, quite the opposite) and I think this may well be indicative of that. There’s more though. They have loads of stuff. Most of the kids in my year 6 (10 and 11 years old) class have a better phone than I do, a range of tablets and computers and all that JD Sport has to offer. They don’t always get that deferred gratification of birthdays and Christmas: they have it all and they have it now. I’m not making a judgment, just a point.
birthday-cupcakes

So, why the title of this blog? It was my daughter’s birthday a couple of days ago and we had the usual phone calls from relatives asking what to buy her. We had a couple of ideas but not loads. Have we fallen into the trap of buying stuff ‘just because?’ I think so. When she watches a princess film, she puts on one of her many princess dresses. When she wants to play, she has loads of toys to choose from. I pretty sure I didn’t have that many toys at the age of 3. Of course, I could be wrong. And I’m pretty sure that my parents thought the same when I was that age in comparison to when they were. Again, I could be wrong.

The thing that did happen though that made me have that odd parent feeling of pride and worry was what she said to me just before I kissed her goodnight.

“Daddy, I’m not ready to be four.”

It was one of the cutest things she’d ever said.

She told my wife the same thing. My wife didn’t find it quite as cute. My daughter had woken my wife at 1 am to tell her.

BTW: I made those cupcakes!

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State of play (stop the world…)

I’m tired. I’ve had two nights of parents evenings (both full, no gaps) and my daughters birthday yesterday. It’s more than that though. I’m not quite sure how to explain it other than a mental malaise. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job and I love my children (both the ones I teach and the ones I sired), I enjoy teaching and work in a great school full of happy people. My two little ones are well behaved, cheeky and full of energy and love. But… I’m tired.

I wondered if it might be the March of time. As I trudge wearily to my eternal resting place (let’s face it, I’m more likely to be heading down than up), adding more mileage each year, burning both ends of my candle, is it all catching up? I don’t think so. I’m only in my thirties.

Winter then? Waking up and heading to work in the dark. Finishing work and heading home – in the dark. Cold, rain, wind and more cold. I don’t think that’s it either though. I love the winter. I love my winter clothes (that long herringbone trench coat, my scarf collection and my wonderful flat caps), I love the Christmas period and the dark ales that are around at this time of year. So no, definitely not the season.

Too much work? Too many hours? Again, probably not. My job, boss, class, school and staff are amazing. I love coming to work and even the marking has recently become an enjoyable thing. Some of the writing my kids are doing is fantastic, the maths is moving along nicely and the other subjects happen in the afternoon when I do my assistant head bits and bobs. So nope, not work.

What then? Why then? How then?

It hit me yesterday. Trump. Well, Trump and Brexit. More than that I suppose. People. People are stupid. We are becoming a world of idiots run by idiots.

I’m off to pack now and move to a cabin in the woods. Give me a call when we come to our senses.

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Geek Chic?

I sir, am a geek. That’s right homeslice! A geeee eeee eeee eeeek! I’m the genuine article. I love geeky things and have geeky friends and do geeky things with my geeky friends. I am one of the collective, a member of the crew, part of red squadron, one of the fellowship, a piece of code that makes up the matrix. I have the b-sides and the rarities, can tell you the original singer or songwriter and search out live stuff online, I have the T-shirt from a gig 10 years ago (only ever worn for gigs). I have the DC comic app and a few bagged and boarded books. I can… You get the idea.

star trek star wars and dc comics

What I am not is a modern geek. I do not have thick rimmed glasses, a dodgy waistcoat and cravat, an ironic side parting (to be fair, I have a rather large middle parting), a love for radio 1 or a retro ‘anything that is in fashion.’ Not so much geek chic, rather geek sheep.

Geeks of the world, this is you call to arms. In the name of the force we must act. Want to be a geek? Think you’ve got what it takes? Let’s see.

To count yourself among the truly geeky you should be able to tick at least three of the five boxes in the list below.

Ready? The correct response should be “Red Five standing by!”

1) Can you name all of the Star Wars and Star Trek films in order? A separate list for each of course.

2) Do you own a truly geeky item of clothing? I own a star fleet academy T-shirt (and I say that with no sense of shame).

3) Have you been to any of the following: A- comic book convention. B – Sci-fi convention. C – You get the idea.

4)Ever visited, or plan to visit, a place in the world because of its geeky credentials? Tunisia for the scenes in Star Wars, New Zealand for Lord of the Rings, Washington for The West Wing etc…

5) Are you the person someone would go to with problems with their phone/computer/tablet or for information about a new phone/computer/tablet?

Come on then cool kids, I dare ya! And no googling the answers.

Have a good week and wrap up warm… winter is coming!

 

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The art of the quote

A good quote can be so many things. When I was younger it could mean the difference between a grade in an English literacy test, a better percentage in my sociology course work and, most important of all, it could really make my friends laugh. I may not write coursework or do tests anymore but the art of the quote still lives on.
She's your queen to be
This weeks blog is inspired by a friend of mine who placed a quote from Coming to America on Facebook. The response was huge and I partook with a big smile on my face. “I was Joan of Arc in a former life.” This may not be the most famous quote from the film but those who know the film well (I used to watch it once every other day over one summer while my friend and I stole his parents Cointreau and filled up the bottle with squash, hoping they wouldn’t notice) know it. I still reckon I could say about half the lines before the Mr Murphy and Mr Hall.
mam name him clay, i'm a call him clay
Facebook though has changed the rules a bit. No longer do you have to rely on your brain for a quote, you can research it. Here’s my mini guide for quoting Facebook style.
1) Try and remember the quote and respond quickly. If it has a small flaw in the repeating of the line then it seems more organic.
2) If you do have to research it then add a small mistake. See second line of number 1.
3) Make sure the quote you use is from the same film. Nothing worse than being ridiculed in cyberspace.
4) Don’t include the character name at the start. If the quote is good then people should know.
5) Not too big. If the quote is too long then it is a dead giveaway. You may as well leave the hyperlinks in.
i assumed you had sex with your bathers
Quotes don’t need to be famous though. A friend of mine was exceeding drunk at a party. He decided to run for the door, presumably to throw up, whilst shouting, “abandon ship.” The quote was used more than once. Private quotes can be great fun but can also exclude many. If I were to write, “swinging from a tree!” Then it would mean a great deal to few people and nothing to most. The private club can be great fun but needs a have to be there pass.
I have never tried to pass a quite off as my own knowingly. I will always state my source (csi quote there) so people don’t think I’m smarter than I am. The problem I have is that there are times when I don’t even realise I’m quoting, times when I’ve said what I’m saying so many times that the origin of it is lost somewhere. This can be highly embarrassing when you get called on it. I do however have some favourite quotes. Some are funny, some witty and some odd. Here’s my top five.
Live forever or die in the attempt.
1) “Live forever or die in the attempt.”
-Yossarian – Catch 22 by Joseph Heller.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day
2) “I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.”
-Frank Sinatra
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
3) “Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”
-Oscar Wilde
My father made him an offer he couldn't refuse.
4) “My father made him an offer he couldn’t refuse. Luca Brasi held a gun to his head, and my father assured him that either his brains or his signature would be on the contract.”
-Michael Corleone – The Godfather
every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain.
5)”How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?”
-Homer – The Simpsons
There are so many that I could have done a top 50. I would love to hear any you think I have overlooked.
squidge andrew thomas
I hope that one day, when I am a famous author, I might find my own words quoted somewhere. Maybe.
Enjoy your weekend.
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No purchase necessary

It is a question that has plagued man since the 3 meals a day system was introduced. A question which haunts philosophers and scholars. Which, by its very nature, goes to the heart of the human psyche.
Is there such a thing as a free lunch?

Is anything free anymore? And if it is, is it worth having? What is the catch? What way will I pay for it later?
It was iTunes that got me thinking about this. A couple of weeks ago I saw something amazing, I saw a song for free by a band I actually knew. The song was by Soundgarden and was for the new avengers film. The song sucked. I had to go back and listen to some of their earlier stuff afterwards, just to remind myself how good the band were. I started to think about why it was free, was it A) to restart Soundgardens music career B) a publicity stunt to launch the film or C) an altruistic act by the filmmakers, the band and the apple corporation. I’ll leave that judgement in your capable hands.

Is anything in life truly free? Here are my (somewhat silly) ideas on the matter.

1) The freebie. Shopping centres are full of free stuff. I’m not talking about stealing here, more about the stuff they hand out when business is slow. The Nut Hut will give you 2 or 3 free cashews (make sure you get the cashews as they’re worth more), Holland and Barrett will hand out free samples of dried fruit, Cinebon will give you 1/24th of a free donut thing, some coffee or tea shop will let you try a thimble full of their new blend. However, this does not a free lunch make. The only way to get full is to walk past over and over again; wearing various disguises and hoping you don’t get rumbled. I would imagine you’d burn off more calories doing the walking then you would get from the food. Maybe I should send my ideas to weight watchers. I also get a free paper (The Metro). Yes, it is full of adverts and competitions (you know the ones: what is the New York otherwise known as? A) the big apple, B) the big turnip or C) the big pork pie. And it’s only £3 to enter), but its free and I read it. There is a subtle difference between free and my next category.

2) Complimentary things. This is the kind of stuff that the good and honest people who run hotels leave out for you to use on your visit. And what do we do? We stick it in our bags, phone down and ask for more and stick that in our bags too. I have become an expert on what good bath/shower gel is from the level of excitement my wife has when she checks out the bathroom of the hotel we are staying in. There is also the complementary mint or sweet at hotel and business receptions. The problem comes when you are not offered it. This is a problem for me because A) if I’m not offered it, I want it B) will I get told off if I just stick my hand in the jar and C) What if it’s not real food stuffs or really old and sticky? By the way, that fridge in the hotel room, definitely not complementary. And as far from free as you can get.

3) Cumulative free stuff. This is the coffee or restaurant card. I have a few in my wallet in various states of stampedness (I know, not a word) and I have never once redeemed one. It’s that moment where you sit down, and as you rear hits the seat you think ‘coffee card’. As I look at them now, I realise that some are better than others. Wetherspoons only wants me to buy 5 cups, then it’s a free one. The waiting room (small coffee shop on Deptford high street, highly recommended) gives me a coffee and a cake if I get 8, but Benugo want me to buy 10 coffees to get 1 coffee. I suppose they could have no loyalty card at all but that is hardly the point. What is the point? No idea.

4) No purchase necessary. I love the idea of going into a supermarket, finding a packet of something that has a toy or voucher inside and just opening it and taking it. If it says ‘no purchase necessary’ then wouldn’t that be ok? I don’t think the shop would think so.

I do think that there is always a catch, always an ulterior motive. I would love to be proved wrong. Altruism is dead my friends, if in fact it was ever alive. And on that cheery note, enjoy the rest of your weekend. I can’t end like that. Maybe a joke.

20120511-165056.jpg

As always, feel free to share the link, re blog or point people to my new (fancy pants) website address www.andrewauthor.com

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Why are ginger blokes funny?

It seems to me that all the ginger men I know are funny. Not funny looking or funny weird, but funny ha ha. It was a blog I was reading the other day (the ginger fight back, give it a go) that got the cogs in my head turning. Are ginger men born funny? Or does it develop over time? Is it nature or nurture? What I mean is, does the fact that they get mocked because of their hair (I’m not condoning it, just stating facts of the schoolyard) mean they develop a self defence funny bone? A self deprecation that led one of my friends to walk around wearing nothing but a box which said ‘ginger nuts’ over his own (they are a type of biscuit for those that don’t know). I shall attempt to use some other genetic examples to quantify my theory.

1) Are all fat pepole cheerful? I once heard someone tell a large lady near me “if you’re gonna be fat, you could at least have the common decency to be jolly”. Let me set something straight from the off, this is not an attack on anyone, but if you are big boned or fat, you generally have a rosy completion and a cheeky, chubby face. This, to my eyes, gives you a cheerful quality. I think we could call it the Santa effect. And to be fair, most large people I know are very happy and laugh often. They are also great at hugs, but I digress. I also know some real miseries who are portly, so this does nothing to help prove my theory. Next.

2) Are all short men angry? I’m not, but then I’m just below average height. And once again, let me state that this is not an attack on dwarfs (even though one was called grumpy) or little people. Many famous leaders where short blokes:

Alexander the Great
Napoleon
Hitler
Sarkozy
Berlusconi
Cruise (maybe not)

All under 5’6, all wanting power, all angry about being short. Napoleon even had a complex named after him (in the psychological sense, not the building sense). I think then that this is nature. And why do short blokes date tall women? Anyway, next.

3) Are all pretty people arrogant? Yes we are. Only kidding. I think that this is more a nurture thing. I know some very attractive/pretty/sexy people (I also know some proper ugly ones, just to show I’m balanced), and it seems that some are very lovely and others are so full of themselves that they become repulsive, despite their looks. This viewpoint is not one of jealousy as my wife is attractive/pretty/sexy, so I’m not jaded by being turned down by the gorgeous folk, I married one. This to me is about upbringing. My wife is down to earth and doesn’t know how pretty she is, those who have been told their whole lives ‘you’re so gorgeous, you should be a model’ feel entitled. It reminds me of a song by the streets, Fit But You Know It. As an aside, I went to school with this guy below (yes, me and David Gandy are the same age, and have surprisingly similar dress sense). He never got the girls then so I hope his late blooming has kept him grounded.

So then, what have we learnt here today? Not much really. I think that the ginger blokes I know are funny because they learnt, at an early age, to laugh at themselves. My hair is all but gone and I can now laugh at bald jokes, I think it’s given me an avenue of comedic thinking I had never really gone done before. So in that respect, gingers are ahead of the curve.

Keep on being who you are my ginger friends, I may not be one of you, but pretty soon I’ll have so little hair it won’t matter anyway.

As always, feel free to share the link, re blog or point people to my new (fancy pants) website address http://www.andrewauthor.com

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Soundtrack to my life…

Ben Folds wrote the story of my life. Sounds a bit odd I know but the more I look into it, the more it makes sense to me. For those of you who don’t know who Ben folds is, here is a very short biography.

Ben Folds is an American singer/songwriter who has been around for ages. He started his career in a band called Ben Folds Five and released lots of albums. All of them, in my humble opinion, excellent. The songs are a mix of thoughtful ballads and thumping (funny) piano songs. It’s the kind of music that can fit whatever mood you are in and it speaks to me on many levels. I have grown up listening to Ben Folds and liked his music even before I knew it was his.

He was the kind of singer I wanted to be, wrote about the kind of things that I would have written about (if I was self aware enough when I was writing songs), was admired by the people I admired and above all else, he seemed to have a song for each part of my life. In fact, he still does. So, true to form, here is my list of Ben Folds songs that explain my life…

Underground: this is a song that is about the rock/metal/industrial/goth scene that I found myself in. It is a song about belonging. To contextualise this I must first admit to being a townie in my younger years.
Definition of a townie (according to me): someone who listens to a specific type of dance music, has a severe French crop hair cut, wears a MASSIVE gold hoop earring (men only, left ear), wears a bomber jacket (nylon, preferably with a record label logo on the back, must be green, blue or black), smokes benson and hedges (but only buys ten packs) and thinks they are ‘well wicked’. That was me. I was that bomber jacket wearing idiot.

The problem was that I did not fit in. For starters I was in a marching band (I still prefer to call it a drum corp but my wife tells me that doesn’t make it any cooler) and secondly, I never really liked the music. I would sneak off on my own and listen to prince. Then it happened. I got sat next to a metaller in class.
Definition of a metaller (according to me): someone who listens to heavy metal and rock eg korn, pantera etc.., long hair, band tshirts and a massive album collection.
I soon realised that this was what I wanted to be. I wanted the cool hair, the band tshirts and I wanted to jump around screaming lyrics. This is pretty much what the song is about. Going to a metal club and moshing makes you someone else, someone cool. At least I thought so.

Song for the dumped: This is a wonderful song with even better lyrics. It’s about a guy who gets dumped and is still owed money (and one of his tshirts) by his ex. This song spoke to me for a few reasons 1)i’d lent some money to my ex girlfriend and she had not paid me back. 2) she had some of my clothing. 3) she decided that she would only give me back the money on the day I was going out on a date with a new girl. Now it’s not important who dumped who (although I did dump her) but I found it a massive coincidence that I had been asking for my cash back for ages and she wants to see me the day I off on a date. It wasn’t loads of money, as a student it seemed like a huge sum though. Anyway, I feel I must say that I got the money back (not the clothes) and the girl I was going on a date with is now my wife. Altogether now one, two three ahhhhhhhh.

Sports and wine: This is me now. I love the idea that I am sophisticated enough to watch sports and drink good wine. In the UK there is a lager culture when watching football (soccer) and an ale culture when watching rugby (rugby). If you watch any other sports then any kind of drink is fair game. It had never really occurred to me that drinking wine and watching football would be odd, not until Ben Folds pointed it out. I suppose I always new it was a bit strange as I would only ever behave do that at home, I would never have gone to watch a match with the boys and ask for a nice, well rounded Merlot or a full bodied Cabernet. This last one is a recent addition playlist due to me getting old.

Just as an aside, the inspiration for this blog is a book by Nick Hornby (a subject I will cover more fully in another blog) and his book 39 songs. This book includes the Ben Folds song Smoke and appears to speak to Nick in the same way the above songs speak to me. They have also collaborated on a book/album which is well worth a purchase.

To sign off with I would like to leave you with a couple of Ben Folds covers. They dont mean a great deal to me other than the fact that I love them and would possibly have chosen to cover them myself.

Dre – Bitches ain’t s**t

The Darkness – Get your hands off my woman

The Cure – In between days
For someone who has never met me, I feel Ben knows me very well indeed. I suppose that’s the mark of a great songwriter. All the links I have added are from YouTube, the albums and discography is here Ben Folds and here Ben Folds Five

Who wrote the soundtrack to your life?

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Kidification (an idiots ramblings on parenthood)

Many things changed when I had my son. I had never believed those naysayers who told me that life as I knew it was over, that my lifestyle would be unrecognisable, that sleep would become a drug I craved. I didn’t believe them because I didn’t want to. Then the boy came along.
For the first few days I watched him constantly. I watched him sleep, eat and I watched him watching me. I didn’t really sleep that much but that was ok, it was all very exciting. Then it started to happen. The house began to turn into a baby house. What had started as the babies room began to spill into the living room and other areas of the house. Kidification had begun. And not just in the house, it was spilling out into other parts of my life. Here’s what happened, in list form of course.
Bathroom stickers: my bathroom is no longer my bathroom. Yes, I can still use it for the essentials that bathrooms are used for, but that is now its secondary function. The first thing to come was the changing table. A lovely storage area with a soft mat on the top, bought from mamas and papas and put together with love and lots of swearing. My bathroom smells of baby poo constantly. It doesn’t matter what device you use to put the nappies in, how many bags you wrap them in, how scented your bin liners are, the smell remains. Then there’s the toys, the babies towel (which looks like a hand towel with a hood) and worst of all the stickers. I know, I know I was the one that put them up. I think the point is this: he doesn’t even notice them! I spent ages getting them in all the right places, spacing them out in just the right way, and for what? Take a look, a job well done I’m sure you’ll agree.
One of those people who talks about his kids: I have now come to the conclusion that it is inevitable. I used to go out with a ‘I won’t bore my friends with stories and pictures’ attitude. The problem with this is that I have very little else to talk about. When out with friends at the weekend (friends with kids) they admitted to showing a 7 minute video of their kid eating breakfast on a night out. These things just happen. My new attitude is this: show them pictures, talk about it non stop, run out of steam, get on with my night and hope my friends will forgive me when they have kids of their own. Risky business but what choice do I have! (it’s even filtering into the blog now).
Understands what he says even if it’s nonsense: this is one of the funnier ones. My son will run up to me, speak a load of rubbish, point at something with a wave of his arm and I will know exactly what he is saying, what he is pointing at and what he wants. How? I don’t really know myself to be honest. It’s a bit like those kids tv presenters with puppets that don’t speak (they usually squeak or quack or something, or like professor Bunsen burner understanding beaker in the muppets) you just know what they want. The bad times come when you don’t understand. My son spent a week or two at dinner pointing and asking for ‘bish’. He would scream the word at the top of his lungs and point. I finally took him over to where he was pointing and it turns out he had no clue what he wanted either. Didn’t stop it happening next time though!
Appearance: kidification happens to your clothes as well as your house. Cuddles are nice but the residue is not so much. It starts small (mainly because he was small) but it soon grows. The point of no return is when you know your shoulder is covered in snot but you go out anyway. The Worst though is when you’re halfway somewhere and you notice. You can either draw attention to it straight away and talk about the boy or just hope everyone is polite enough not to say anything. Unfortunately, of all the wonderful qualities my friends have, politeness is not among them.
Would I change any of it? Of course not.

This blog will be read completely differently by the two groups of society. Those who have kids will relate to it. Those who don’t will treat it as a cautionary tale. Heed the warnings single kidless folk. Stay up late, get drunk, spend Saturdays in bed, go out straight from work and come home at 2am, wear your snot free clothes with pride and above all else; tell yourself it will be different when you have kids!
Enjoy your weekend, however you spend it.
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Sequels, Remakes and Trilogies. Part II

The film of the series (not the snappiest of titles).

You have to do an amazing job to be in with a chance of appealing to the original fans of the show, either that or go down the star trek route of actually having the actors from the series play the film roles. It worked well with both the original star trek and the next generation. As a real Trekkie (can’t believe that just got spell checked to a capital letter), I loved the films. Having William Shatner and Patrick Stewart on the same screen at the same time? Yes, yes oh yes. The same thing happened with firefly and the film version serenity (well worth a look) and the sex and the city films (not my cup of tea but the Mrs. loves em). They are recognisable characters playing recognisable parts and they work. Well, with the exception of the Simpsons movie. That was a real doh.


The problem comes when you transfer a TV show (especially a cult classic one) to film with a new cast. Basically, you can’t replace Mr T, Hannibal, Face or Murdock. Not if you want to tap into the original market anyway. I’m not saying the A-team film was awful; it wasn’t very good either though. I think the main reason was the original actors were those characters. Mr T is BA Baracus. I find the same with the avengers and the saint, and don’t even get me started on the new star trek film!

There is evidence that it can work though. Look at the Batman franchise. I loved the Adam West show, I loved the Tim Burton films (not any of the others though, why Arnie? Why?), I love the new incarnation. I think they are all sufficiently different, and no one actor really owns the role. There is no Mr T in batman (neither literally nor metaphorically).

I will finish with my 2 favourite TV show to films. It also strike me that it may well be because they started as sketch shows.

The Muppet show: I loved the Muppets as a kid and love the first Muppet movie. They took a sketch show of believable characters (albeit puppets) and showed us what they were like when they weren’t on the show. The plot is thin, the acting is hammy (terrible pun, sorry miss piggy) and you can see wires coming out of their arms. This to me though adds to the charm.

Monty pythons flying circus: An amazing TV show with a string of amazing films. The show and films are my dad’s era really, but I think they are timeless. My favourite of the lot has to be the life of Brian, if only because of the outrage of the religious community.

That’s it for episode 2: the return of the over opinionated bloggist.

Episode 3 promises the remake and the remake of the remake. I’m going down the Godfather route though (not making it rubbish, hopefully) and leaving a gap between parts 1 and 2 and part 3. Until next week.

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Sequels, Remakes and Trilogies. Part I

Seeing as this is, in part, about trilogies I thought I would do it in 3 parts. Which will be the best? Will part 3 come years after part 2? Will it have a prequel blog? Will I re do it in a few years? Will I just get on with it? Ok, here goes…

Episode 1: the Blogfather

I shall start with the Godfather. As I have said before, I came late to the godfather trilogy. It’s one of those films where the critics said you either love it or you haven’t seen it. I agree wholeheartedly. Part 1 is great, part 2 is epic, part 3 is duck suckingly bad. What happens with these great film makers? Too much time on their hands to write? Mellowed by old age? Just need the money? Part 3 could have been great. Instead you have a story of priests, borderline incest and a really dodgy hair cut. And In the end, it’s the fall from the chair that kills this great character. People may say its old age, heart attack, an aneurism. I like to think he has just realised what a pile of poo he had made and fell to his inevitable, but timely, demise. Shame on you Al Pacino. Check out the end of part 3 and you’ll see what I mean, very funny.  (Cheers John and Nick for pointing that out).

Back to the future is much the same. 1 and 2 fit so well together and have that rare quality of being able to be followed by everyone, while at the same

time making you feel smart for being able to follow it. It has hoverboards, skateboards, a cool car, outstanding music and is very funny.

Part 3? A western that is not a western. No car, no skateboards, no Hewie Lewis and the news. No thank you very much. It’s not an awful film but it has no place in the trilogy.

Two trilogies that (in my opinion) don’t feel like they have add-ons.

Star wars: my dad told me (I sound about 10 years old starting with that) that when ‘return of the Jedi’ was released that some people had the same disdain for the Ewoks that I have for Jar Jar Binks. I find this odd. I loved the Ewoks, I wanted to be Wicket! The point is that the 3rd in the trilogy was not as widely loved as the first 2. I think all the original films are awesome, but then I was very young when I first saw them. The same can be said to be true for the kids I teach and the prequel trilogy. One of them once said to me that the original trilogy was old and boring. All I could do was stand there, dumbstruck and confused, and mumble something about the youth of today. Either way, the films all have a flow from the first scene of episode 4 to the last of episode 6.


Lord of the rings: the first of these was a bit dull. I loved it (the whole trilogy) but even I struggled with the extended version of ‘the fellowship of the ring’. Unlike other trilogies though, they get better. Yes, I know it was Tolkien’s writing, that the books are amazing and that they were always gonna be great. I suppose that I was primed to like them, being a uber geek as I am. It is the only trilogy I can think of (and am open to suggestions of others) that ends better than it starts. Not that the middle one is the best, the last one is.

Thanks for watching (reading) part 1. In part 2, the film of the series. I pity the fool who misses it, unless you have something better to do. Then that’s OK by me.

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