Tag Archives: fast food

Junk mail

recycle your old menus

We live in a block of flats, we being my wife and child and I, and have a constant problem. We are targeted because of where we live, singled out due to our locality, victimised due to our choice of dwelling. “What is it?” I hear you cry, voices full of concern. We are the victims of junk mail. It’s so bad that our estate manager, fed up with collecting mail from the floor and lifts, has put a bin under the bank of post boxes by our door so people can put it from letter box to rubbish in seconds. The worst offenders are as follows

1) Takeaway menus. These seem to multiply at a rate of knots! We have to sift through menus for Chinese, Thai, Japanese, Italian, American, Indian and Greek foods. I caught a guy the other day putting leaflets, plural, in each letter box. I realised that this guy must be employed by a few if the restaurants to place a certain amount of leaflets through a certain amount of doors. Flats + various menus = easy pickings. We should put a sign on our box…

We are creatures of habit. We will order from the same pizza, Thai and Indian eateries every time. It’s not that we are unadventurous, we just don’t order often enough to risk it being crap. Sometimes we walk to the fish and chip shop (although that’s not really relevant to this sign). Please save a tree and move on.

lots of pizza menus and boxes

 

2) Cab cards. These are like business cards for cab companies. They are small, thin, shiny and a bugger to pick up if you have sausage fingers and bite your nails. I fall into both of these categories and will often be seen, and laughed at, by my neighbours with my hand stuck in the letter box. Some choice phrases will often accompany this activity.

3) Dear homeowner. These are relatively new ones on us. It’s a letter that tells us that they have someone lined up to buy our flat. The bit I don’t get is why they wouldn’t ask us first and then go out looking for prospective buyers. It would be like me painting a picture portrait of you and then asking if you if you would like to buy it. Of course I know they are lying to me but I do find myself tempted to phone them and ask them for a) the name of the agent (estate not secret) who has been staking out my home b)ask them who he has been showing it to and c) why I haven’t seen him while doing my counter intelligence surveillance? I could even try to bill them for my James Bond spy kit.

 

007 spy kit for kids james bond

This is on top of all the regular rubbish that comes through our door. My bank seems to be desperate for me to take a loan, companies I used once in 2007 think I might still want to be a customer, credit card companies pre approve me for 10,000 on a regular basis and British gas still ask if I want to go to their AGM even though my shares are worth about as much as a happy meal.

Yep, all in all I think I throw away more than I read. I suppose that maybe, just maybe, I might need a mini cab or my favourite restaurant might shut down or I might decide to sell up. I would hope though that, being the awkward bugger I am, I wouldn’t use any company that has put a leaflet through my door out of pure two finger salutedness. A big up yours, if you will, to those who would like to influence my decision making process.

Next week I shall attempt to tackle virtual junk mail without swearing. Until then enjoy your weekend.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

There’s no encouragement to drink less.

I went out the other night. A very rare treat as I have a young son and a demanding and time consuming job. I had a really good night and had a couple of drinks to boot. While in the bar I asked my wife what she would like, I went to the bar, ordered my drinks and was asked the killer question… Would you like an extra measure/shot for only 60 pence. I of course said yes. I went back and gave my wife a much larger drink than she had asked for, explaining that it wasn’t much more money. She turned to me, thanked me and said “they never encourage you to drink less”. It struck me that in our health conscious world surely they shouldn’t be promoting more alcohol. Surely they should make it harder to get drunk and hence damaging your organs not easier. This seems to me to be one of a long line of ‘more, more, more’ culture. Here are my others…

1) BOGOF. The ‘buy one get one free’ offer always gets me. I fall for it every time. Either I a) change what I was going to buy and get the deal or b) buy something I didn’t go in for in the first place. I once saw a man have an argument over cheese, he only wanted one block of cheese but it was on a BOGOF offer. The girl on the checkout was so perplexed that he only wanted one block she was insisting he go get another. The other problem is when there is only one left. Even though I would buy that product individually, and I really don’t need double the amount, I will still pick an alternative as I feel like I was being done out of free stuff if I bought just one.

2) cinema. The cinema meal deal is as expensive as a real meal. Seriously. Having been recently, I asked for a large coke and a small popcorn, the reply was ‘you can get a large coke and a large popcorn for only £8.75’. Only? Only? My dinner later that evening cost about £10.00. As an aside, I tried the popcorn, it was stale, I told the person behind the counter and she asked me, not her boss, If I thought she should do a fresh batch. Erm no thanks, I’ll eat the stale stuff.

3) Fast food: supersize anyone? Why should my blood have an easy job getting through my arteries? Bring it on.

I am yet to walk into a bar and be asked “for the sake of your liver, would you like to pay 60 pence less and get half the amount?” I suppose that wouldn’t make much business sense, just common sense. At this festive time of year I am reminded of Richard Attenborough in miracle on 34th street sending people to where they can get toys cheaper. The best we can hope for is an asda (Walmart) price promise. Come shop with us, go check every item on line and we might give you back 59 pence. Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas.

20111220-072908.jpg

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
%d bloggers like this: